"Yes" Means "Yes" and "No" Means "No"

This morning, I want to start talking about something that ties in with the direction of discipleship training that we are going in with our church. I have entitled this message, “Train Up A Child”, and it may cover several upcoming messages, as Holy Spirit so leads.

I specifically felt led to title it this way, because of the very popular verse from .

Proverbs 22:6 ESV

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Within this verse of wisdom that the wise King Solomon gave us, is a more broad understanding than that which many people read it to have.

We always teach this verse simply to mean, “instruct your child about life and teach your child about the Bible and when they are grown, they will not leave it, or walk away from it”.

There is, however, a greater understanding of this passage. This verse, is a verse of wisdom, as are all of Solomon’s teachings. And withing this proverb we can see a guideline that is to be followed.

The word “train”, as we see in the opening of this passage, is the Hebrew word, chanak, and it means not only to train up, but it is also commonly used as to DEDICATE.

Dedicate what, however? Well, the passage says to “train” or “dedicate” them in “the way”, which can be translated as “his way”, or “the child’s way”, “the way that he should go”.

This, has the implication, that each child has his/her own abilities and strength and gifts and a path in life to walk. Our focus is to not try and change them into what we want them to be, or the path we want them to walk and all the while showering them with God’s word in order to validate our efforts; but rather we should dedicate/ train them in the Word Of God and allow this to foster what God has equipped them to do and

with the gifts and strengths He has already given them!

In o

Ephesians 6:4 ESV

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

The parent, or whoever is involved with the young person, is to then dedicate the child to walking their path, in accordance to the only true and successful way of life.

You see, in Proverbs, there are only two ways to go; the way of he foolish or the way of the wise!

The way of the wise, is in accordance with all of God’s will and design; the way of the foolish, is that of each person’s own desires and thus that of the world!

So, train up/dedicate the child/youth, to the path of wisdom (God’s will and His word) in their early development and the outcome of such training is predictable as shown by the end of this passage, which reads, “When he is old.......”. This simply means what it says; they became old, which is a reward in his/her life.

How many of you know that aging is a reward, a blessing, not a curse; as so many in modern times try to refute it and reverse it for vanity's sake!

Proverbs 16:31 ESV

Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.

Mankind pays great amounts of money to cling to this temporal youth, which is foolishness and all the while, they are missing the eternal youth that is yet to come! True wisdom, as the Proverbs teach, comes not from your appearance, (a.k.a. your vanity), but rather from your reverence and love and relationship with God almighty! .

Proverbs 31:30 ESV

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Chuck Swindoll told about the guy who fell in love with an opera singer. He hardly knew her, since his only view of the singer was through binoculars--from the third balcony. But he was convinced he could live happily ever after married to a voice like that. He scarcely noticed she was considerably older than he. Nor did he care that she walked with a limp. Her mezzo-soprano voice would take them through whatever might come. After a whirlwind romance and a hurry-up ceremony, they were off for their honeymoon together. She began to prepare for their first night together. As he watched, his chin dropped to his chest. She plucked out her glass eye and plopped it into a container on the nightstand. She pulled off her wig, ripped off her false eyelashes, yanked out her dentures, unstrapped her artificial leg, and smiled at him as she slipped off her glasses that hid her hearing aid. Stunned and horrified, he gasped, "For goodness’ sake, woman, sing, sing, SING"

So, back to our passage, the predictable outcome for someone who is dedicated/trained up in the way of wisdom is that they will walk their path with that wisdom into their old age; it is a spiritual GPS for them.

Contrary to some people’s mind set, however, it is not a promise or guarantee of that child’s path.

What I mean is this. The Proverbs prescribe that which is wisdom in contrast to that which is foolish, but each person, as they grow and become their own adult (whether physically, or even spiritually speaking), will make their own decisions for their life and thus not always stick to the wisdom that they were taught early on.

The NT parable for this could be that of the Prodigal Son that Jesus taught us of in . Both sons were brought up under the same father and teaching (theoretically) and yet the younger son decided to go off of the wise path and chase the world (the foolish path!)

The blessing shown from this parable and that which ties in with is that the taught/instilled wisdom of the young man came back to his mind and he returned to the right path (fully forgiven by the father, by the way). BUT, there is no Biblical guarantee that this will happen just because you or I teach them, train and dedicate their spiritual walk to God’s design.

even mentions that there will be those who leave the path of uprightness (the morally correct path).

shows us that only with the true reverential fear and upright walk with the Lord, is a person’s path or steps then established and protected by the Lord. It says that the person has to COMMIT their works to the Lord.

Well, if the person has to mindfully and willfully commit their life, their works to the Lord, then it is of his/her own FREE WILL that they choose to do so! The training, the teaching and dedication of those who were instrumental in their physical/spiritual development does not thus ensure that the person will not take a different path!

The subject of apostasy (walking away/abandoning the wise and life giving path of righteousness) is mentioned and warned of throughout the NT gospels by Jesus as well as within the epistles.

So, the main point from this Proverb is summed as this: train up/dedicate the person in the wisdom and admonition of the Lord and it will help to focus and guide them into and throughout their physical/spiritual life. Instill into their mind and heart the WORD OF GOD as a compass for their life; it serves as a lamp to their feet and a light for their path! (But they must choose the WISE PATH!)

If they choose, in their life the wise path, then it will guide them into “old age” and if they have dedicated their life to that path and reaped the temporal blessing of age ,then they will likely never turn from it!

And with this training and dedication, there is a point that needs to be stressed over some different areas in dealing with a child’s life. (By a child, I am speaking both of a physical/natural young child, as well as someone who is spiritually a child in their Christian development!)

It is here, at the understanding that there is a need for training up, both the physical child, as well as the spiritual child that we will move forward with today’s prime point and also as an emphasis as to why discipleship is so important for the church body!

An equally important part of bringing up a child, is not just your teaching them and training them, dedicating, them to the word and trying to pour it into their life; but also it is equally important that they be able to witness that you are living the life that you are trying to teach them about!

One of the greatest hypocritical things that you can do with a child is tell them, do as I say, not as I do! (God designed them to learn, not only by word and letter, but by observation.)

There are many psychological studies done on child development and learning and much of what they learn, is done through observation!

The Apostle Paul said in the ,

Romans 2:21 ESV

you then who teach others, do you not teach yourself? While you preach against stealing, do you steal?

Do you see what Paul is asking?

Listen to Jesus’ teaching is in on the same line of logic,

Matthew 23:1–3 ESV

Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples, “The scribes and the Pharisees sit on Moses’ seat, so do and observe whatever they tell you, but not the works they do. For they preach, but do not practice.

Matthew 23:2–3 ESV

“The scribes and the Pharisees sit on Moses’ seat, so do and observe whatever they tell you, but not the works they do. For they preach, but do not practice.

Matthew 23:3 ESV

so do and observe whatever they tell you, but not the works they do. For they preach, but do not practice.

Jesus is saying the same thing here; do not be a hypocrite and teach one thing and yet do another! (This goes for everyone across the board, not just to the parents of children and teens, but all Christians!)

What you are saying should be matched up with what you are doing!

1 Corinthians 11:1 ESV

Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.

What is Paul saying? Observe what I am doing and then you do as well!

Philippians 3:17 NASB95

Brethren, join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us.

“Observe those”...........are you getting this?

MENTION THE GUY AT DUNCAN DONUTS THIS MORNING!

Now that we have established a baseline for teaching and training up a child (that is, our actions and lifestyles matching up to our words) as we prepare those under us for their future walks in life, please allow me to make the main point of today’s sermon and apply this all to one particular area in our lives; and that area is, the honesty of our words!

How many of you remember when you were a kid and you wanted to know that if someone told you something, they really meant it and would go through with it? (First of all, how many of you can remember when you were a kid?!)

You know, your friend said that they wouldn’t tell on you and so you would say, “DO YOU PROMISE?!!”

And they would say, “Yes”! But that wasn’t good enough! You needed hard core proof, right?!

So, what was the next logical step? “Do you swear?”

“Oh, OK, yeah, I swear!”

But that still wasn’t good enough, was it? So yo know what came next, right?!

“Do you PINKIE SWEAR?”

I mean, now it’s serious! You have thrown the mother of all binding things into the mix, with the infamous “pinkie swear”!

There were others as well: “Do you swear on your mother’s name?”, or even more serious, “Do you swear on your mother’s grave?”

“But my mother isn’t dead!” (“That’s what I thought, you’re trying to weasel out of it already!”)

What about, “Cross my heart and hope to die; stick a needle in my eye!” Do you guys remember that one?

Or, each person would spit on their palms and then they would shake hands, as a binding oath!

The point is that we wanted to know that what we were being told was the truth and a simple “yes” or “no” wouldn’t cut it, right?

And just like everything else in our upbringing, we learn by experience and observation, right? So, for many people, a simple, “Yes”, or, “I promise”, won’t be acceptable from others, because of that person’s past background and known integrity!

This carries forward into our adult lives as well!

You know my dad told me that when he was boy, in the town that he grew up in, if his grandfather needed money from the local bank, he would just go in and tell them what he needed and they would loan it to him, simply on his word to repay!

A person’s word, backed up by a handshake, was a binding agreement at one time!

Man, now you have to have something to use as collateral, sign a stack of papers 5 feet high, you have to give a blood donation and promise your firstborn to get a loan! There is no more trust, because people have continually proven that they will not keep their words or their obligations!

A man’s word should be able to be taken as the literal truth, with no need of any special gestures, quirky statements or vows. Especially if that person is a Christian!

Well, how serious of a matter is it to God, about our vows: 1st to Him and then to one another?

First of all, what is a vow, from the Biblical understanding?

According to the Lexham Bible Dictionary, the Biblical definition for a vow is: Binding promises made to God, often as part of a plea for safety, military victory, or a family.

The thing that you and I should take note of there, is the part about it being a “binding” promise!

Crocker, L. K. (2016). Vows, Religious in the Ancient World. In J. D. Barry, D. Bomar, D. R. Brown, R. Klippenstein, D. Mangum, C. Sinclair Wolcott, … W. Widder (Eds.), The Lexham Bible Dictionary. Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press.

,

Deuteronomy 30:2 ESV

and return to the Lord your God, you and your children, and obey his voice in all that I command you today, with all your heart and with all your soul,

Numbers 30:2 ESV

If a man vows a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.

“HE SHALL NOT BREAK HIS WORD!”

,

Deuteronomy 23:21–23 ESV

“If you make a vow to the Lord your God, you shall not delay fulfilling it, for the Lord your God will surely require it of you, and you will be guilty of sin. But if you refrain from vowing, you will not be guilty of sin. You shall be careful to do what has passed your lips, for you have voluntarily vowed to the Lord your God what you have promised with your mouth.

Now here is where so many people get into trouble with the Lord and never even think about it.

God says, “You shall be careful to do what has passed your lips, for you have voluntarily vowed to the Lord your God what you have promised with your mouth.”

In other words, once you said it, it is binding! You voluntarily said it and it isn’t retractable! Nobody reached in and drug the words out of your mouth!

The thing that you MUST understand about this vow is this. This was not under the LAW as an obligation; in other words, when people made a vow to God, it was of their own volition and not a legal requirement. So, with that understanding, this has never changed! A vow to God is voluntary and not part of the law. The law was satisfied and met through the works of the Cross of Calvary, but our voluntary offerings to Him are separate and still binding!

Anything that someone brings as a vow to God that was not required by the Law, was a form of “worship” to Him. Even, when it was made as a petition for the hand and help of God, it was still done by a person’s own will and belief in God.

Vows were commonly made as an “if “ and “then” type agreement. “If you will do this for me God, then I will do this for you in return.”

The problem that people have always run into, is that when God, who is faithful, fulfills His part of the vow, then, men, typically regret the vow and try to renege and get out of it from their end of the deal!

The Psalms have several verses dealing with the pledge and enthusiasm of repaying the vow to God for what He did for the individual. says,

Psalm 132:1–5 ESV

Remember, O Lord, in David’s favor, all the hardships he endured, how he swore to the Lord and vowed to the Mighty One of Jacob, “I will not enter my house or get into my bed, I will not give sleep to my eyes or slumber to my eyelids, until I find a place for the Lord, a dwelling place for the Mighty One of Jacob.”

Well, God has already covered that situation in the Bible also.

You see, this is worship in and of itself. That is, a grateful heart wanting to thank God for His great love and concern for His children. (As I have told you recently, worship of God is not just about singing and raising your hands; it’s about the attitude with which you have towards Him and your true LOVE for Him and doing what pleases Him!)

If that same verse were to be written again today, it would sound more like, “I’m not leaving my house, or getting out of my bed and I’m not giving up any sleep; even for the Lord!”

So, a vow made to God is a big deal and should not be taken lightly! YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU SAY TO HIM!

I was convicted while writing this sermon, of times in years past, where I would be sitting in church services, where the preacher or speaker would ask the church members, who were willing and felt led, to stand or raise their hands in agreement that they would do something or give something for the Lord. (Maybe it was money or time in service, etc.)

So many times, in the emotion and haste of the moment, I would stand or lift my hand in acknowledgement and then just simply let it slide on by with no more thought of it!

How many of you have said yes to something in the church and then never followed up or completed what you said that you would do?

Luke 9:57–62 ESV

As they were going along the road, someone said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” To another he said, “Follow me.” But he said, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” And Jesus said to him, “Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” Yet another said, “I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home.” Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”

In , Jesus makes it very clear that WE SHOULD WEIGH THE COST OF SAYING WE WILL BECOME HIS DISCIPLES! (Many people were saying to Him, “We will follow”, yet without any real regard for what they were saying!)

Vows made in haste and without thought are still vows made to God and He expects them kept.

and the story of Jephthah is a great example of being very careful about what vow you make to God in return for His help! (Explain)

Sadly enough, many of the vows that were made to God within the days of the Biblical times, were done without care or consideration and were made out of desperation and/or fear. Vows were made to God and when the time came, the persons involved tried to renege on the vow. This is addressed in the OT by God because of the issue of the vow being taken so lightly and the severity of this issue in the eyes of God!

Even more sad than that, is here we are thousands of years later as the living representative body of the Son of God and the same situation is still going on. (There is nothing new under the sun!)

People are just as quick today to call on Him and make rash, hasty vows before Him when they are in a dire need and then want to give quickly bow out without any regard to whom they have made that vow to when it comes time to repay their part of it!

A businessman was traveling on a plane for the first time. He had always been terrified of flying but his next appointment required him to do so. The flight was going well when suddenly the plane shuddered. The pilot came over the intercom and announced that the engines on the right side had stopped so they were making an emergency landing. Shortly thereafter, another shudder and the pilot announced the other engines had stopped. Everyone was informed to assume the crash position with their head between their knees. For the first time the businessman felt vulnerable. He had never felt the need to cry out to God but at that moment he did. “God,” he prayed. “If you will allow me to survive this crash I take a solemn vow to give to charity half of all my possessions.” Suddenly all four engines began working again and the plane glided smoothly onto the runway. The businessman rushed to disembark. As he made his way out of the runway area the man who had been seated beside him spoke to him. “Excuse me sir. I am a pastor involved in several charities. I heard your vow to the Lord concerning your possessions. I can guide you in keeping that vow by recommending some outstanding charities that have needs.” The businessman replied “That won’t be necessary. You see I made a new vow with God. I vowed if I ever got on another plane, He could have it all.”

Matthew 5:33–37 ESV

“Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.

We have no real authority by which to swear by; everything in the heavens is Gods, everything on earth is under His feet and thus His power and dominion and so the last thing that Jesus mentions, “taking an oath by your head” is even not within our power to control.

Thus, Jesus is saying, you need only to say a simply “YES” or “NO”. No promise, no oath, or no vow is needed. You should be known as honest in all of your answers and dealings. There should be need to TRY to convince someone of your honesty! It should be a given about a follower of Jesus!

The same thing should apply to those with whom you have influence over and upon (i.e. children in the physical sense and spiritual children in the kingdom that are learning under you). In both cases, as you work to TRAIN UP A CHILD of GOD, you should be showing them honesty in all that you do!

Remember, you are being watched and lives are being molded out of your actions as a kingdom representative!

I find it humorous that in a nation where the name and authority of God is being stripped, out of our courts and schools and out of our legal institutions, we put a person’s hand on the Bible and then ask them to repeat, “Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”

If people who claim to believe in God make vows to Him and then have no qualms in walking away from these vows, why then would someone who has no belief in God have any hesitation to put their hand on that book and lie before Him?

Just look at many people’s marital vows and how little regard they give to them when the tough gets going!

Chuck Swindoll told about the guy who fell in love with an opera singer. He hardly knew her, since his only view of the singer was through binoculars--from the third balcony. But he was convinced he could live happily ever after married to a voice like that. He scarcely noticed she was considerably older than he. Nor did he care that she walked with a limp. Her mezzo-soprano voice would take them through whatever might come. After a whirlwind romance and a hurry-up ceremony, they were off for their honeymoon together. She began to prepare for their first night together. As he watched, his chin dropped to his chest. She plucked out her glass eye and plopped it into a container on the nightstand. She pulled off her wig, ripped off her false eyelashes, yanked out her dentures, unstrapped her artificial leg, and smiled at him as she slipped off her glasses that hid her hearing aid. Stunned and horrified, he gasped, "For goodness’ sake, woman, sing, sing, SING"

Your YES will mean YES and your NO will mean NO, when you TRULY BELIEVE in who GOD is in your life! There will not be any need to TRY to convince people of your honesty! You will be known by your fruits of who is living and operating within you.

And those whom you have been entrusted over (whether as a natural/physical parent, or as a spiritual parent) they will watch and observe your honesty and where your true belief lies! TRAIN UP A CHILD!

That is why discipleship is so crucial within the Body of Christ. If new Christians (babes in Christ) are not being trained and brought up (by teaching and by example), then they stand a very good chance of departing from their limited faith!

I’ll close with

James 5:12 AMP

But above all [things], my brethren, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath; but let your yes be [a simple] yes, and your no be [a simple] no, so that you may not sin and fall under condemnation.